The Emotional Manly Man

What is it that makes a man strong and manly? I think we all have some type of image in our minds of an answer to that question - the characteristics that a man would be proud to be known for. Probably this image is based off of the men we've known - fathers, pastors, teachers...or maybe it's based off of famous people that we watch from a distance - rock stars, sports stars, politicians. I think my gut reaction to this question is to answer with characteristics such as strength, success, steadiness, and wisdom.

Recently, I spent some time reading through First and Second Samuel and I was really intrigued by this character named David. He intrigued me because I think he challenges my notion of what a man is. If you're familiar with Biblical passages about David, then you know that he doesn't always come across as the most manly of men. At times, certain passages almost seem to even push the boundaries of his heterosexuality. This guy grew up playing soothing harp music and continued writing songs with emotional and passionate lyrics throughout his life. I mean rock stars are hardcore, and maybe harps in ancient Israel were the equivalent of screaming guitars today...but it seems like a stretch. David danced half naked in front of crowds of people - enough of a spectacle to make his wife tell him he was acting like an idiot. He had an incredibly close friendship with his male friend Jonathan - 1 Samuel 18 talks of their souls being knit together. They loved each other, shared clothes, kissed, and wept together. Sure, kissing was customary for Israelites, but this friendship obviously was a bit more intimate than your typical business relationship.

But what's really striking to me is not how emotional and passionate and vulnerable David could be. What really strikes me is that on top of all this, he went down in history as the mightiest of warrior kings that Israel has ever known. We all know the story of David and Goliath - you know, the one where the cute little boy with God on his side throws a rock at a giant and kills him? I'm not so sure he was just a cute little boy. This boy had previously overcome lions and bears by himself. And then this boy grew up. He single-handedly killed two hundred men at a time and sliced off pieces of their genitals. Kings and nations fell before him. He conquered or received tribute from virtually the entire Middle East and was respected and feared above anyone else in the world. David was a brutal warrior who killed thousands of men and showed tremendous strength during the course of his life.

And then the most striking thing of all: God calls David a man after the Lord's own heart. This statement, along with the facts of who David was, require some reconciliation in my perception of what a man should be. But really, when I think about it, it makes sense. In God I see a person who holds absolute dominion over the universe - a God who can be brutal in his justice and merciless to the unmerciful. This God reveals the qualities of strength, success, steadiness, and wisdom. Without doubt, these are all qualities of God and also of men who were made in his image. But I also see a God who can dance, shout, sing, and cry. An emotional God who isn't ashamed to be kissing, hugging, or dancing over those he loves. A passionate God who gave up his own life for people who could care less.

I tend to believe that all the qualities of both men and women stem from God. So maybe there would be some weight in arguing that just because God has emotional and passionate traits, that doesn't mean men should. Maybe that's the part of God that was planted in women when he created woman in his own image. Honestly though, this doesn't seem to work for me. David was a man after God's own heart. A man. Whose heart followed God's own heart. He was a man's man and not a woman. He was a warrior who also wrote beautiful poetry. He was a solid leader who also danced passionately without a shirt on. He brutally killed thousands of his opponents and also shared his heart, cried with and kissed his best friend. And apparently, none of these traits that initially strike me as "femmy" make him any less of a man.

There's a certain level of fear and insecurity in being a man. We have a need to provide, conquer, and make people proud and to be exposed as fake, inadequate, or weak is unacceptable. I wonder what it would look like for a man to be completely unafraid of looking like a fool. Completely free to be vulnerable, to dance like an idiot, to weep hard in the arms of a friend, unconcerned of what people might think. Maybe that kind of vulnerability can only be displayed by a man who is, in reality, confident. Maybe true strength goes beyond the ability to stand firm and unbreakable. Maybe true strength includes the strength to let go of pride and to be free to be emotional or broken. That's what I seem to see in David and that's what I seem to see in God. They're both men (at least God was in the form of Jesus) and I respect them, both for their strength and for their vulnerability. If we men are supposed to be strong, maybe it's time to man up and be strong enough to let out the emotion inside us.